We’ve all been there. We’ve had those butterflies in our stomach, racing heartbeats, weak-in-the-knees moments. It’s part of being in love where we feel like we’re constantly on a high. It’s all sunshine and breezy. Our PDA is so intense that even the word ‘mushy’ becomes an understatement. It is a time when nothing else and no one else matters because, well, let’s admit it- no one is as awesome as this person we’re holding hands with. We disappear from our circle of friends, our parents worry about us for not calling them regularly, and hell, even our work schedule changes drastically! It feels like we’re in a beautiful dream that is safely kept away from reality, and we don’t ever want it to end. I mean, who wouldn’t want nice things to stay the same way forever?
Then, it happens. One day, it dawns upon us that we no longer feel the same. The person we’ve spent so much time adoring suddenly does not look as godly anymore. We doubt ourselves, we doubt them and we question our decisions. It’s terrifying, the fact that our hearts don’t skip a beat anymore. Hearing an “I love you” from them no longer sends tingles down our spine. We feel confused. The urge to backpedal only becomes stronger. It’s like getting stuck in a room with walls that are completely black or white. But at the same time, the thought of running for the exit door makes our heart sink. We love them and we’ve grown together so much that the thought of calling it quits hurts us somewhere deep inside. We know that it will hurt them too.
It’s the end of the comforting dream we had earlier. And with the waning of that honeymoon period, it’s time to ask a rather important question. Is love alone enough? Would we be able to grow further with our beloved if that was all we felt for them? And by love, I mean the clichés that were mentioned in the beginning: the butterflies, the nervous cramps, the desire to constantly impress. I understand this kind of love as a fleeting, unstable feeling that comes one day and vanishes the next, for that’s what feelings are- they fluctuate. To stay in a union (somehow, this sounds more sacred than a relationship) takes much more than that. It requires a conscious decision to remain committed to not just our significant other despite their flaws that we have now started noticing more frequently than ever, but also to the vision in our minds.
Commitment is an effort that gives us the strength to weather the storm together, and to be a pillar for each other when the going gets tough. Even after a heated argument when all we feel is as if the world is crumbling around us, it is commitment that stays and whispers, “Give them a hug”. And this effort has to come from the heart. It is a result of not just a sincere desire, but also of a strong conviction that this is the person that we want to spend the rest of our lives with.
Perhaps then, we will realise that the end of the dream is not the end of the journey itself. It is just the beginning of a new chapter.
Thamathinks 